Thursday, October 27, 2011

Our Rollercoaster Ride

Hello everyone!  I know it's been months since I have blogged, but there is a reason for that.  It's called LIFE.  There have been several things/circumstances going on with me and our family these last couple of months, and honestly, I needed to take a break.  I needed to actually live my life instead of write about it.  Most importantly, I needed to spend time with my Heavenly Father instead of my time on the computer.  There were just some hard things that were going on that I needed to talk to God about first and not the whole world.  :)

One of those hard issues was our adoption journey.  We feel like we have been on a rollercoaster ride with all the ups and downs.  It seems like when we think everything is going just fine and we are getting closer to the end of the ride, it takes one of those hairpin turns and everything goes upside down.  

Let me explain further.  We happily announced about 4 months ago that we had been referred a little boy!  I can not explain to you how excited we were.  We had pictures of him and we had sent him a book of our family, as well as some other goodies.  We had him named- Weston Fisher Gibbs.  The kids called him their brother.  We called him our son.  I could close my eyes and see him running around our house. 

All of that came crashing down about a month ago.  We got the phone call that no adoptive family wants to get.  Our agency called and explained that as the lawyer was doing more investigations, he found out that Weston has a family.  Although he lives in an orphange, his family had not legally abandoned him.  We could not adopt him any longer. 

I didn't know what to say.  I couldn't really respond.  My heart broke into a million pieces.  It was a really hard day.   In fact, I cried most of the day and the day after.  Although I wanted him to be in our family, my heart broke most of all for him.  I kept thinking, "What if his family never comes back for him?  He will spend his entire life in that orphanage without the love of a family." 

But then, I/we just gave the situation up to God.  He is the one that is in control, not me.  He is the one that is all-knowing, not me.  For some reason, Weston was brought into our lives.  We don't know what that reason is right now.  Maybe it is just for us to pray for him, because more than likely we are the only family in the entire world that knows him and will pray for him.  Maybe it is so God can teach us to trust and have faith in Him above all else.  Whatever the reason, we love that boy and not a day goes by that we do not pray for him or think of him. 

We are learning to TRUST.  We are learning to have FAITH.  We are learning that GOD is in CONTROL.

And just when we thought that we were in a really low spot, God brought another child into our lives.  This time a sweet little girl.  Yes, we have been referred a 2 1/2 year old little girl!  We immediatley loved her when we saw her.  We are waiting for the lawyer to get her abandonment decree soon (although all the proper investigations have been done this time he assures us).  But that is where the trust, and the faith, and the control thing come in.  There is no point in worrying about it when there is nothing we can do anyway.  We are trusting that she is our daughter.  In our hearts, she is already.  We have named her as well- Emmalyn Jewell Gibbs.  Her name comes from both of my grandmothers.  She has a different name now that I can not publicly share yet, but it means "blessing."  We also hope to keep that as a middle name too for her.  We hope that we get to experience the blessing that she is. 

Would you join us in praying for her and for this adoption journey? 

Our adoption journey has not been an easy journey, but yes I would do it all again.  Because the day that I finally get to hold my child in my arms will be worth it!  The journey of God growing us more like Him is worth it!   The rollercoaster ride is worth it!!!